Head Over Heels

His father was in the military and it was time to relocate again.  The move went okay.  At least they had finally arrived in their new town, Fallbrook, California.  They could only get some of their stuff out of storage since they were just renting a apartment for the time being.  Some furniture, clothes, music and his skateboard.  He had a few days to kill before he started school.  It was Friday, but Monday would come all too soon.  His second year in the 9th grade and school had already started here.... joy.  Not really his fault, but that is another story.

The weather was absolutely gorgeous.  "Can I go skate around?" he asked his mom.  "Sure, just be back before dark," she said.  There was a gas station off in the distance, obviously this had to be his destination.  I mean how long was he expected to go without a Mountain Dew?  I mean what the fuck!  The terrain was very hilly, this was all new to him.  Skate a little..... walk up hill a little.... then do it all again.  Where he came from there were no hills.  Everything was flat.... and wet.

When he finally got back he was really tired.  There was a ledge around the flowerbed and he took a seat and lit up a cigarette.  "Hey," he heard, but paid it no mind.  "Guy on the skateboard!" he heard.  Standing up he saw a girl staring at him.  "Hi," he choked out.  His first introduction and he was kinda shy, so he blew it out his ass. 

"I'm April, what is your name?" she said.  "James," he replied.  "You are not from around here are you?"  she said.  He must have heard that statement at least a thousand times.  "No, I am from Louisiana."  he replied.  She paused for a minute, looking him up and down.  "Some of us are going to hang out at the cemetery up the hill, you wanna come hang?"  He got so happy he almost yelled it out, "Hell Yeah!"  They had hung out in cemeteries quite a few times where he was from.  "You find it strange how the darkness calms us." -Mushroomhead  That night he got a little drunk, a little high, and made a couple new friends.  The weekend flew by so fast.

Monday was a real fucking bummer.  Waking up at 6 am and getting ready was no fun.  Plus, he was so nervous his stomach was killing him.  He spent half of his time in the bathroom, not knowing if he was going to puke or crap.  He was not a very outgoing person.  This shit was like torture.  New city, new state, new school, new person.  Jimmy was what he had been called since he was born.  He decided that was no longer him, he was now James.  He got in the car and his parents dragged him to school.

Registration, meeting the principal, a half assed tour of the campus and they set him loose.  Missed first period, so it was off to second.   Late of course.  It is bad enough being a new student, at a new school, but then you have to go in late so everyone can stare at you.  Worse yet, the crazy bitch made him stand in front of the class and introduced him.  He had to sit in a chair because all the desks were full.  She promised to have a desk for him the following day.... yipp-fucking-ee.  Next there was a "morning break" where the students could get a snack or just chill out for 15 minutes, cool.  He got a powdered donut with jelly filling.  You could never get something this cool at his old school, Awesomeness!

Two more periods went by and it was lunchtime. He walked down a hallway toward the lunchroom, at lest he thought it was.  Everybody in the hallway was Latino.  They were lined up on both sides, sitting down, backs against the wall.  He heard someone say "I wouldn't walk down that hallway if I were you, white boy.  They will hurt you."  James turned around and saw a Latino guy, with long black hair, wearing a Slayer shirt.  "Thanks man," he said.  "No worries," was the reply he got back.  It seemed like everybody knew he was not from there, and what the fuck did "No Worries" mean?

He decided he was just going to skip lunch today and walk back to the front of the school.  That part seemed pretty calm to him.  There were some benches to sit on and relax.  Maybe read that new skate mag he had brought.  Walking by the flag pole he paused.  He never made it to the benches.  There was a violent push into his back and his hat was ripped off his head.  Whipping around, he saw a big white guy holding his hat.  Then the guy threw it into the trash can.  James said "what the fuck is your problem?"  The ogre hollered back, "Nobody wears blue around here and gets away with it."  James was not about to lose his favorite skate hat to some giant douche bag.  He said "Okay, I won't wear it here anymore," as he walked over and picked it up out of the trashcan.  It was a baby blue Nike hat with duct tape on it.  One of his best friends gave it to him before he moved.  He dusted it off and was putting it into his book bag when the giant yelled at him, "No, I am going to kick your ass."

Well shit, James thought.  This dude is a lot bigger than me.  He is probably going to beat my ass, but I am not backing down.  Just then he felt a hard shove in his chest and had to take a couple steps back to get his balance.  Every hair on his body raised up.  He walked back up and pushed the guy back and stepped back with both fists clenched... it was on now.  Just then another guy walked in between them and said "It's cool, chill out."  He looked at James and said "He was trying to punk you, and you are obviously not a punk.  We are going to go to the tunnels to grab a smoke, wanna ditch with us?"  Let's see, stay in this scary ass school and probably get his ass beat, or sneak off and smoke a cigarette with some people he knew nothing about.  "Yeah I'll go with you," he replied.

They walked to the edge of the school property waited for a few minutes, making sure nobody was watching.  There were 6 of them on this covert operation.  Then down into a large drainage ditch, under a bridge and into a large storm drain.  They lit up cigarettes, some lit up joints.  This was a cool place and he was starting to relax again.  They were asking him questions, "Where you from, are you a skateboarder, you like drugs, been in trouble with the law?"  Matter of fact he was on probation at the time.  One of them said "We can make sure nobody fucks with you anymore.  We are going to start a rumor that you are fucking crazy and just got out of juvie for stabbing somebody."  He could tell the giant douche was still wanting to fight him from the tone in his voice.  He lit some paper on fire and threw it at James.  James grabbed it and threw it back.  The other guy suggested they smoke a joint and chill the fuck out, so that is just what they did.

Everything was cool and they kinda dazed off.  James looked over and saw a girl.  She was sitting a little ways away from them.  She had caught his eye earlier, but the violence had made him forget everything else.  He didn't think she had said hardly anything the whole time they had been there.  She smiled for a second as they made eye contact, and they both quickly looked away.  He kept glancing at her.  She was a little taller, dirty blond, brown eyes, nice tits, hot ass, and dressed way to nice to be hiding in a storm drain.  She was beautiful and he was very intrigued.  He asked the douche about her.  "Who is she?"  "Her name is Aimee, but I call her Aim-word.  I am going to ask her out."  "The fuck you are" James thought.

He snuck away from school almost everyday.  They introduced him to Munchkin Land, and showed him how to sneak out of every part of the school.  There would be new people and new distractions.  It was like being part of a secret underground organization.  He tried to talk to Aimee every day.  In fact, his whole day was based on seeing her.  More importantly was seeing her smile.  If he did not see her his day would be ruined.  She began talking back.  She really did not talk a lot, in fact sometimes he felt like he had to pull the words out of her.  Actually, she did not have to talk because he could see so much in her eyes.  They seemed to both be hiding from something.  Maybe they should hide together, he thought.  She made him fell better, just being close to her.  He fell head over heels in love with her, and he never looked back.......

It started out being easy to make friends in California.  Nothing like back in the south.  It seemed like in Louisiana if you were not born there, they did not want you there.  These new friends we different.  It was like they were all people that did not fit in somewhere else, so they just stuck together.  They taught him a lot about gangs, colors and turf.  Things he didn't know anything about.

The newness of California wore off really quickly.  He missed his old friends so much.  At times he spent hours alone, crying in his room.   His father told him this would only be a two year post and then they would go back to Louisiana.  In his mind he was just killing time until they moved back.  He made it a point not to get too close to his new friends, but there was one he was already very close to.

Alcohol and drugs were easily available.  That was part of why they hung out in the cemetery a lot.  It made them feel comfortable in the darkness, and there were never many people around.  He never really felt comfortable about snorting lines off of some one's gravestone though.  Somethings are just going to far.  Like when he started selling joints at school.  That was a bad idea.  It lead up to him being strip searched in the principals office by police, and almost getting expelled..... and that was only the beginning of his troubles......

Nightmares of Addiction

She sits there staring at me.  Vicious, possessed eyes.  The person who gave birth to me, now reduced to nothing more than a dying addict.  Alcohol, a friend at times, a deceiver always.  Just a way of coping with the pain.  Self medicating.... again.  "I drink because I am depressed, I am depressed because I drink."  It is a shared vice, like mother, like son.  Smoking and drinking became a way of relating.  Relating to and otherwise non existent parental relationship.

"You were an accident, I wish you were never born," she said once.  Words as sharp as razor blades cutting deep into my soul.  Regret and resentment had tainted to the core.

Years of saying "You have to stop, slow down, cut back."  All amounting to wasted breath and visions of her death.  "My chest hurts," she said said.  Off to the E.R. we go.  They seem to be surprised she is even alive.  Atrophy of the brain is 30 years past her age.... from the alcoholism.  The tumor in her chest is huge, like a orange, from the cigarettes.  There is no cure at this point, only a matter in father time's hands.  The one thing we seek to control, but never will..... time.

I wake up every night, with visions of her staring at me.  She looks just like Gollum from The Lord of the Rings.  Those hollow, black eyes staring into my soul.  In her voice I hear the anger as I now have control over her addiction.  The alcohol and cigarettes have changed to narcotic pain medication.  "Give me my precious" she yells.... as the blood runs down her chin, from the animal she just killed and ate raw.  "My precious" she yells, as she claws her way into my soul.  "My precious" she yelled, up until she died.

"My precious," she yells, every night in my dreams. I wait in horror for my time to become her.  My precious.

YOU and YOUR Jesus

YOU tell me you once ran off a black couple, with a baseball bat.  YOU say they were looking at a house for sale across the street and YOU did not want them to move into YOUR neighborhood.  Black folks always bring down the property values, YOU said.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU tell everyone that YOU have a perfect marriage and that YOUR husband is the best father YOUR children could ever have.  Yet at home YOU are scared to death of him.  He yells and screams at you and tells YOU things like "If YOU leave me I will take YOUR children away" and "YOUR fat ass needs to lose some weight, because I don't want to have sex with a whale."

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU tell me that YOU had to stop on the side of the interstate, pull your two little girls out of the car and "Whip the shit out of both of them until they were both in tears."

and you tell me I need Jesus...

You tell me it is OK to cheat on YOUR spouse, because they are cheating on YOU.  YOU have been fucking and sucking several of his friends for years.  I hope he does not kill YOU when he finds out.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU tell everyone about YOUR loser friend that lives off the government.  YOU tell them that YOU are sick and tired of paying for scum like her to live off YOUR tax dollars.  Yet, YOU are sweet and nice anytime she comes over, and YOU have no problem leaving YOUR kids with her when YOU want to go out.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU beat up a white guy because YOU don't want him going out with a black girl.  The black girl is YOUR cousin and YOU say YOU are doing it to protect her.  She agrees not to see the white guy anymore so YOU and YOUR friends will not hurt him anymore.  Then YOU have the nerve to say that YOU are not racist because YOU are black.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU sit and premeditate on how many ways YOU are going to hurt someone, first with words and later with hands.  YOU pray to god to forgive YOU for what YOU are about to do.  Then YOU use YOUR words to rip a woman apart, piece by piece, because she did not do a good enough job at work today.  She leaves in tears, her spirit crushed, and never comes back to work.  YOU never even trained her on what she was supposed to do.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU have a horrible breakup with YOUR boyfriend, because he was sleeping around on YOU.  YOU are so low YOU don't know if you can ever get back up again.  I watch YOU slowly get back to work, one and sometimes two jobs.  YOU buy a car with cash money.  Then YOU rent an apartment and go back to college to finish YOUR degree.  YOU graduate and get a good job and move to another state.  I am so proud of YOU and commend YOU for all YOUR hard work.  Then YOU tell me I should be thanking Jesus because YOU could not have done it without his help.  ???  I say it was YOU, YOU are one of the strongest people I know.  As I walk away from our relationship in tears, hoping YOU will learn how strong YOU are... and you tell me it is over unless.....

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU ask me to bring my kids to YOUR Sunday School Service.  Then YOU proceed to tell me that YOU hate "faggots" and "queers."  YOU tell me that God says same sex relationships are wrong and those people need to be punished for their sins.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU tell me that Hurricane Katrina was God's wrath for the gambling, corruption, drinking, and sex in New Orleans.  YOU say that the world would be better off without "those" kinds of people and that not enough of them died.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU tell me that the Mexicans have taken all the jobs and YOU can't find work.  YOU tell me that they will work for pennies on the dollar and are ruining America.  I wonder how YOU can afford a 24 pack of beer and two packs of cigarettes a day, while you sit on your front porch doing absolutely nothing.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU send out dirty texts with jokes and pictures about "niggers" to people you call your friends.  YOU say "the only good nigger is one that is hanging from a tree."

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU tell me how much fun you have at your house.  YOU lure cats to your porch with milk and food.  Then YOU "bash their heads in with a metal baseball bat."

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU openly make fun of YOUR secretaries skin condition.  YOU stir up people and try to get everyone else at work to make fun of her too.  YOU send out texts and emails to everyone in YOUR office, making fun of her.  She goes home every night and cries herself to sleep.  Even though she can not afford to lose her job, she ends up quitting and almost loses everything she has.  She later reveals that YOUR dumb ass was sending all those messages to her to because YOU don't know how to work YOUR computer or phone.  YOU also forwarded others replies to her as well.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

YOU brag how YOUR woman stays at home taking care of the kids.  She wants to go back to work, but YOU won't let her.  YOU say women are only good for cooking, cleaning, fucking and making men food.  YOU have demoralized her and made he feel like no one else would ever want her.  She stays at home doing everything YOU ask and lives in misery.

and you tell me I need Jesus...

OK, I vented and I am done.  I could go on for another hour or two.  I assure you all these things have happened.  These very same people will talk about doing something heinous to another human being or animal, and five minutes later be telling me that "YOU need Jesus in YOUR life."  "YOU should come to church with me on Sunday."  I get so tired of living in the South sometimes.  It is a place full of hypocrisy, backstabbers, and pure selfishness.  Yet, there are some good people here.  The ones that will help you no matter what, where, when or how you are.  Those are the ones that make me forget about all the evil as fuck people, cutting each other's throats to get ahead.  There are some that will give you the shirt off their backs, the last dollar in their wallets, the last bit of food they have.  The ones that keep my hope alive, weather or not I beLIEve in Jesus.

Stolen Thoughts

I am borrowing a line from http://www.alcoholicpoet.com/2013/01/salt-yellow-scream.html because it is stuck in my head. It seems to be telling me something, but the meaning fades on into forever.  "The tide clutches the sand." It seems like such an innocent statement. I can just hear a child asking a parent "Why can't the tide hold on to the sand better?  It keeps climbing up the beach, and falling back down into the ocean."

A tale of woe,
from bittered lips.
Cracked and broken,
from Death's poisoness kiss.

Still grasping at nothing,
in the air of despair.
Blindly feeling for something,
that will never again... be there.

Holding on to hopelessness,
like the tide clutching the sand.
Falling endlessly through the void,
Pleading desperately for somewhere to land.

There seem to be no answers,
to the questions posed.
Always the sharpest thorns,
always the bloodiest, red.... red rose.

Her smell is sweet,
her smile..... sincere.
She sneaks up in the darkness,
and whispers "you have nothing left to fear."

Take my hand,
feed my love.
Walk with me,
be my love.

She leads us onward,
out of darkness, into light.
To the fate we wrought,
ending this short fight.

This temporary hell,
we created.
The entire reason,
we all live sedated.
These stolen thoughts,
deliver us from our hatred.


I am not sure I can embrace this level of darkness.

Paralyzed

I have not written much of anything lately.  It is not that I don't want to, because my thoughts are overflowing. I have had hundreds of songs, poems, stories and rants splashing around in here.  I think I am scared to write.  Why?  It is because I am lost and oh so sad.  When I compose something I let it all out, all of it...... and that scares me.  There is much I am hiding from these days.  Always trying to keep that one step between us, one step ahead.  No matter how fast I run, he is right behind me. Constantly breathing down my neck like some angry god, waiting for me to stumble so he can strike me down.  I have an enemy I am not sure I can defeat this time, because the enemy is in me.  When I look in the mirror I see his face.... and I feel paralyzed. 

Since my mother passed away last year, it is getting harder and harder to sleep, or to relax in general.  I drink at night, then I drink more, but it does not even seem to effect me anymore. I keep having visions of her every time I close my eyes.  I see her when my mind starts drifting away in boredom.  I sometimes see her while I am standing in line at the store waiting to check out.  They are not good visions either.  She is withering away with decay and reeks of death.  Her eyes are black and hollow.  She holds out her hand toward me and shrieks "JIMMY" as only a mother can.  It makes all the hair on my body stand up and cold chills run up and down.... I am paralyzed. 

My wife asked me one day "Do you think it is better that you were with her when she died, or would it have been better if you were not there?"  I have though about the answer for days.  I truly think it was better that I was with her when she passed.  Watching her slowly stop breathing, and I felt the energy leave her body.  I was good energy, warm and gentle.  I think she can finally be at peace with all the things that bothered her so much in this temporary existence.  She had a very loving spirit, even though it was shrouded in the darkness of alcoholism. 

I felt helpless at that moment, I didn't know what to do.  I couldn't DO anything... I just stood there, paralyzed.  I still feel like I should have done something, anything.  Grabbed her, hugged her, held her hand, FUCKING SCREAMED.  Something, but I couldn't... It was hard enough for me to breathe.  I know she was no longer there, anyway.  She was too old to change, but too young to die.

It is times like these I kick myself for having strong beliefs.  Times like these when nothing makes sense.   I actually wish I could temporarily latch on to one of the many fake deities.  I would like to say "Jesus, just tell me why you took some of my closest friends when they were so young.  Why did you take both my grandfathers before I even had a chance to meet them?  Why did you take both of my grandmothers when they still had so much to share with us?  Why would you let friends and friends children commit suicide?  Why did you take my mother from me when I was trying so hard to make our relationship better?  Why do you take all those children from their families?  Above all, why do we have to suffer so much with physical and mental pain?"  I wonder if he would tell me what I hear all the time.  "It was their time to come to heaven and be with god and their families."

No, he wouldn't tell me anything, because I do not beLIEve in him.  My mother did not either.  She was a scientist at heart, and I am as well. My thoughts are everywhere and I can't keep them straight.  This is my closing thoughts my ADD kicks in.  If I did beLIEve in the Bible and Jesus:  I would have to beLIEve that this malevolent, righteous, loving and fair God wanted those innocent children killed at that school.  He wanted those survivors to watch their friends get shot to death by a maniac, and die in a horribly painful way.  He wanted those teachers to die as they listened to their students last cries and screams.  This is what I am always told by the really religious folks around here.  God has a purpose for everyone, he leads us in everything we do, he always has a plan, you just have to pray to him and he will guide you.  That is NOT a God I can believe in, nor could my mother.  I think I have traded my sadness for anger.  Oh look..... a butterfly.....

Just too much

I have been swamped with pressure and pain here lately.  On the outside I am always calm and cool, yet inside I am a fucking mess.  I feel like I am one step ahead of a mental breakdown, and that is what motivates me so much.  After all, I have responsibilities and I will make sure they are taken care of.  I have too keep moving on, as fast as I can.  I stop every once and a while to evaluate my performance.  I am amazed how things keep working out right, when I always wonder how it possibly can be done in the first place.  I take pride in our accomplishments, and learn from our disappointments. 

Somehow I have been finding my comfort in watching videos of peoples poetry, spoken word, and story telling.  It is something I have always wanted to be able to do.  To boldly get up on stage, in front crowds of people, and pour out my stories, visions, emotions.  Get it all out in the open without any fear of judgement or repercussion.  Words take on some much power when spoken aloud.  Alas, that is not me.  I have written hundreds of poems, that no one will ever hear.  I have written songs, that no one will ever hear. I have written stories, that no one will ever hear.  I am shy, loaded with anxiety, and feel most alone in a room full of people.  There have been times, for work or family's sake I have pushed all that aside and done what I needed, but I would rather not have to at all.

I suppose, overall I have become quite a well functioning, dysfunctional part of society.  Compromised by an extremely big heart, and too often, a bad judge of character.  My current situation I must only endure.  The future is still a big, bright shining star.  There is just a little eclipse going on right now.  Always, in the back of my mind I wonder, "Will there ever come a time when this is all just too much for me?"

Music is Life

Man, I love music!  I don't want to imagine life without music.  It does not have to be just music made by man.  Listen to natures music as well.  Wind, water, earth, fire, spirit is how I believe the Wicca say it.  I am not talking of specific spirituality, just noises.  After all, what is music?  Individual noises arranged in some way as to appeal to your hearing and taste.  Like the wind blowing by, the ocean roaring as the waves come in to shore, birds chirping in the trees, the earth pounding when boulders roll down mountains, or fire crackling and popping as it consumes a piece of wood.  It can be very emotional and become quite spiritual as well.

There is a noise for every feeling, every action, every emotion.  There is also a song for every feeling, every emotion and every situation.  Some even say a noise might lead you to insanity....... and murder. Like the agonizing drip of a leaky faucet.  The mesmerising tick of a clock, or the beating of a heart as it gets louder and louder.  Some might even say.... "My mind's playing tricks on me."

The Geto (Ghetto) Boys - My mind playin' tricks on me

There is a song for every moment in time.... every "Moment 4 Life."  We have all felt like kings or queens at some point in our lives.

Nicki Minaj - Moment 4 life

When your car breaks down and you are late for work.  Then your boss starts his "Power Trip" yelling at you and gives you a warning that he will fire you next time...... there is a song for that.

Chimaira - Power trip

When you know you have pushed the issue "Way too far" and there may be no turning back from here.  The damage is done, and the suffering begins.  Even though you were wrong.... you just wouldn't back down.

Korn - Way too far

The days and weeks after that really bad breakup with your loved one.  The one you thought you would never be apart from, spend the rest of your lives together.  When you were so happy and so fucking sad all at the same time.  Who hasn't spent countless hours staring at "Pictures of you."

The Cure - Pictures of you

When you realized you were being lied to.  Not by just one person, but by most of the society you were raised to respect.  The government, media, teachers, doctors, and yes.... even family.  Like everything and everybody is just filling you with poison.  Sometimes you feel like you just gotta "Spit it out."

Brotha Lynch Hung - Spit it out

 
At a party one night, that kid got shot over the color of a bandanna.  He was not family, but in a way he was.  You hung out everyday, reppin' your shit.  When everybody started set trippin' and the blood started dripping, you learned what scared really was.  "Cuz tha boyz in da hood are always hard."  You finally realized you were a white boi, from the suburbs.  Gang life was not for you.

Eazy E - Boyz in da hood

If you ever get fighting mad about a cause.  Standing up for some wrong, or some right.  You need something to solidify the cause into one voice, to scream a war cry like the great "Comanche."

In this Moment - Comanche

Sometimes you just need to cut loose and get your groove on.  A hard day at work, or long week even.  There are just those times you need to get your "party rock anthem" on..... even if it is just you and a bottle of alcohol, dancing in front of a mirror.

LMFAO - Party rock anthem

 

When your loved one died.... there was a song for that.  For the first time realizing all those years of singing "I will survive" were just in vain.  It was, after all, just a song.  I miss you mom.  :-(

 



Gloria Gaynor - I will survive

 

Sometimes you just want to cry and remember being a kid, not having to worry about what our parents had to worry about.  Their kids... now our kids and this screwed up world we live in. We are only human, and thus we will destroy everything we have ever loved or cared about in the end.  God, sometimes, what I would give to just be "forever young."  No responsibilities, no one depending on my actions to survive.

 

 

Alphaville - Forever young

 

 

There was that one time while you were 13 and care free.  Getting high and running circles around your friends swimming pool, when you spontaneously decided to jump in (glad there were no cell phones back then).  When you came up for air you immediately felt a slam and sting to your forehead.  It was so shocking you just sank back down to the bottom of the pool before coming to your senses.  Climbing out of the pool you heard her screams of "OH, I am so sorry.  I never thought I would actually hit you with that peach."  And then "......And threw her arms around my neck. "Show me how you do it, And I promise you, I promise that, I'll run away with you. I'll run away with you" Spinning on that dizzy edge, I kissed her face and kissed her head......"  A true life friendship was born.

 

The Cure - Just Like Heaven

 

Then there was that message you received, the one that almost knocked you to the ground.  Your stomach dropped, flipped, and lodged itself in your throat.  Then some mighty demon reached in and ripped your heart right out of your chest, held it up to your face and made you watch it stop beating.  The Angel of Death just became real.  He was only 17, a child, a young man at most, who you had known for several years.  He ended his pain before he even had a chance to live.  "I have lost the will to  live.  Simply nothing more to give.  There is nothing more for me.  Need the end to set me free."  If only you could have known how bad it really was. 

Metallica - Fade to black

 

Then there was that moment of pure spiritual awakening.  The day you realized that you had a universal love for all of mankind.  No matter the sex, race, age or religion.  The only thing that mattered was how they treated you.  Respect given will equal respect returned.  As weird as it sounds, I love you all, and hate is not a word I choose to use.  One heart, one soul, one life, one people, one dream, one love....

 











Bob Marley - One Love

 

Just for the fuck of it, one of my all time favorites..... "ARE YOU READDDDDDYYYYYY!!!!"  I am pretty sure we have all felt this at some point. 

 

Korn - Blind



 

I could go on for days, but the Fade to Black section took too much out of me.  I hope these links stay active for years or this is going to seem like a really bad blog post.  A toast: "To those who got lost along the way, our paths will cross again."