Sunday, April 1, 2012

This damn fortune cookie....

We all make trips to the Chinese or Japanese Buffet and stuff ourselves to the point of pure misery.  We usually swear to God that we will NEVER eat that much food again.  Then with the check comes this wonderful little package.  It is a gift, right, or have you actually earned it by being able to swallow that last bite of sweet and sour chicken?  Needless to say, even when you think you are done eating, you see they have ice cream.  "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ICE CREAM!"  Damn, it is Blue Bell too, AND they have fucking birthday cake flavor.  That diet is shot to hell and back.  I just gained a pound typing it.

Then up front they have something to keep the kids coming back over and over again.  They all have a fish tank or pond.  Some have a pond with Koi fish of varying colors.  Others have a slat water aquarium with various brightly colored sea life.  They all have a Nemo, or clown fish.  I can still hear Gabe yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, I found Nemo!"  Eleven years later I hear "Daddy, it's Nemo and his daddy!" as Max begins his journey through the Chinese Buffet line.  There was Rocky, Gabe and I named him years ago, at the New China Buffet.  We named him Rocky because he never swam around like the other fish, he just sat on top of the rocks.  I have no idea what kind of fish he was, but his front fins were like arms and he used them to scoot around on the rocks.  He was there for at least 5 years, then we noticed part of his tail disappeared, then one of his eyes disappeared, then one of his front fins disappeared.... and shit... then he disappeared.  I never thought I would see the day where my son and I would stand in front of a Buffet's aquarium and comment on how we were really going to miss a fish.  R.I.P Rocky.

I will let you in on a not so little secret, I don't like Chinese or Japanese food much.  In fact, I usually stick with the same three items at every place we go, chicken fried rice, spring rolls and egg drop soup.  I just go because the wife and Gabe have always liked it.  Whenever Gabe would do something awesome and we wanted to celebrate, he would always want to go eat Chinese food.  Who am I to deny him?  He gets A's and B's on his report card and wants to go out and eat Chinese food.... he gets Chines food.

People talk about things sometimes and we just think they are full or shit, or trying to persuade us to do something with them.  My wife used to want to go eat Chinese food almost everyday when she was pregnant with Gabe.  She would say "The baby wants Chinese for dinner," lunch and sometimes for breakfast.   I would just laugh and think SHE just wanted me to take her out to eat Chinese.  Then we took Gabe there once he was old enough, and BAM, he has loved it every since.  Maybe the baby really did want Chinese!

Why am I writing about all this menial crap?  Well, because of this damn fortune cookie.  Normally you get some generic, everyday bullshit kind of fortune.  Like "It is easier to win friends with sugar than with vinegar."  or "You will make a bad financial decision today that will cost you plenty."  Then you look at the bill and it is like $80 and you tear up the damn fortune and crush the cookie to bits, while pulling out your debit card.

I have not been writing a lot lately, or drawing, or reading.  I love to read things people write.  Normal people...... like me (HA!).  I don't even know what normal could possibly be.   I don't like reading about a professional writers made up fictional world, with made up fictional characters, that do made up fictional things.  I like reading things people write, trying to interpret their feelings and emotions into words.  Some searching for understanding or possibly forgiveness.  Some telling the world "Fuck You!  I can do this and you can't stop me!"  Some reaching out to the stars they lost, to finally seek the closure they need to move on.

People that use writing to communicate with others, or to understand themselves.  People, everyday people, that write about their real world, really real world in the hope that someone reaches out to them and says "You are not alone, you are never alone."  People that write about the not so real world they live in, deep inside themselves.  The world where they are in control and they make the rules, whether it is technicolor butterflies in a garden or fire breathing dragons destroying entire kingdoms..... I like to go there with them.  Realms where I can hang onto their words, overjoyed with anticipation, waiting to know what the next word will bring.  Will they let me smile with them, or cry for them, or extend a bit of my life's journey to help answer their questions? 

Here lately I have "lost me muchness."  Taking care of my mother has emotionally drained me.  Physically, it is easy as pie.  Emotionally, not so much.  I need a fill up, premium please, full tank don't worry about how much it costs because it will cost me much more if I wait.  We are all guilty of saying "I will wait and hopefully the price will go back down" at one point or another.  It almost never does, but still we wait.  Some wait until it runs out, sputtering and putting along until it dies.  It is hard to get it running as good as it did before, all those contaminates settle to the bottom clogging up the filters.

So alas, I was somewhat astonished when I read this particular fortune.  I read it fast like we always do on first glance.  Then slowly to absorb the words.  Again to make sure we read it right the first and second times through.  This, my friends, is the first and only fortune I have ever read that I felt pertained to me, let alone spoke directly to me.  In fact, it was like a razor blade to the vein of my life.  It said simply, yet elegantly, "You are a lover of words, someday you should write a book."  Hummm, maybe I shall.