Just when you think you have figured it all out.

I have done great battles, fought great wars with my more liberal friends.  We have talked, argued and gave up.  Gone home bleeding and tattered, only to come back and fight again.  There seems to be no agreement between us.  I say we need to sit down and discuss the issues and come to a common ground.  They say we need to kill people and start over.  What The Fuck?

So I talked to a man the other day from Georgia.  He was a black truck driver, about 10 years older than me.  So why was this important to me?  He gave me hope and to me, hope is all you need.  Hope and change they said, we got some changes, but not good ones, and no hope.  These are parts of our conversation.  He will be plain print.  Keep in mind we are unloading boxes this whole time.

Good Afternoon. 
Hey, how is it going?
It is going very well, I have a large order for a James.
That is me, let me get my cart and we'll unload it.
We?  Probably gonna need some help.
Sorry, ain't got none.  It is just me in the warehouse these days.  Economy and all, they let my partners go.
Oh man, sorry to hear it.  We have had to cut back a lot too.  Especially since gas is always going up.
Yeah, I bet.  And these douche bags on TV and in the government keep saying the economy is getting better.  LOL.
I know, they don't seem to have a clue what it is like in the real world.  Hopefully in the 2012 elections we can pay them back.  I voted for Obama once, won't happen again.  Obama or McCain, yeah it was a very hard choice.  The economy just keeps getting worse and unemployment keeps going up.  Nothing the Democrats have done has slowed it down.  Before I forget, would you like to buy a candy bar for my daughters band, only $1.00?  They are using the money to buy some new uniforms.
Humm, let me think about it, a dollar is a dollar, you know?  I heard today they are planning on taxing the rich more to try and get the deficit under control.  Never going to work if they don't cut spending. 
I know, right?  The rich really don't give a damn what is going on because they are RICH.  Tax them 10% more, what do they care?  The poor and the lower class don't give a damn because they don't pay any taxes anyway.  So who gets screwed?  Me and you is who!  The middle and upper middle working class, we pay all the bills and we suffer the most when the economy tanks.
I'll buy that candy bar now.  I'd buy 2, but I really only have $1.00 until next Friday.  Ya know, it really is a shame.  We are the very people they talk about helping all the damn time, and all they ever do is hurt us.  I keep hearing that my generation will be the first to live worse that the previous.  Supposedly we will live shorter lifespans, make less money, etc.  Who's fault is it?  It is ours I think.  We let these over educated lawyer assholes destroy America.  I want my kids to do better.  I also want all these career politicians gone, retired, out to pasture.
Preach on my man, what kind of candy do you want?  Thanks for donating you last dollar.  I had better get to my next stop so I can get back early today.  I really enjoyed talking to you.
Hey, no problem.  It never hurts to help.  Have a safe journey back.

New

A poem from my childhood

NEW

An empty wallet,
          for a dream unfilled.
All those fantasies of love,
          are now so still.
That torment - the pain of loneliness,
          searches for it's next kill.
While we mortals,
          constantly search for our next thrill!

You never know a good thing,
          until you have lost it.
Ain't that the real shit?!?
         On a forrella tip.
We reach for the pipe,
          just one more hit.
To clear our heads,
          helping us maintain.
The slightest bits of sanity,
           hidden somewhere in our brains,
No matter how hard we try,
           we only struggle in vain.


Ain't nothing like the real thing.
          Hell Yeah, that's the saying.
For now I must refrain,
          I refuse to play this game.

DUCK, not of the Anatidae type.

That's it.  You.are.out.of.control.
... I have become worried about my health, up in here (up in here).
....... The time has come.  For your own well being, and mine of course.
.............. It is in your best interest... to .... tO .....TO........
................... To hit the button.  You know the one.  It's forbidden.  "NO" they scream at you!
......................... It's bright red. RED from anger, *GURRRR*
................................ RED from blood, *OUCH*
..................................... I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this shit blood and cum on my hands. (tool)
........................... RED for EMERGENCY!!!
....................... There it is, begging to be pushed.
................. "Why won't you push me?"
.......... "All I need is for you to push me."
..... "PLEASE?!?!?!"
..Press and release the trained monkey counter attack. OH and don't forget,
*DUCK*

Sometimes, you have to wonder if it's worth it.

I am working in my warehouse when I hear "Hell Yeah!"  I pause and look for the offending offender.  I see him, coming out of my office door.  "What the hell are you yelling about?" I reply.  He says "They are going to raise taxes on the rich, up to 1.5 million dollars in income taxes.  That will lower the deficit." 

I hear Shao Khan in my mind "IT HAS BEGUN!"  This is so klassic it is predictable.  The Flaming Libtard against the Nazi Conservative Republican.   It has become a war of worlds, about 2 Democrats against 6 Republicans in our office.  My theory is that Republicans think using education, rationale and facts, which we put together to form an opinion.  Liberals use pure emotion to throw all the facts aside, hence the term bleeding heart liberal.

Now, back to our Mortal Kombat. I hear tax the rich and I think "Oh shit."  My best comeback is "We can't tax our way out of this recession or the deficit."  "It will sure help" he replies.  Meh.... (I pause for effect, it is like I am thinking of something brilliant to say.) I say, "No, the best way to fight the deficit is to cut government spending and revamp the entire tax code."  "Well if the republicans would allow us to bring the defense budget up for cuts we could balance the budget." *BAM*  His retorts are starting to sting.  "I will say that we should do away with the War on Terror and pull out of Afganistan, Lybia and Iraq, but we should never cut out home defense budget.  What will we do if we get attacked and we have no troops to fight?"  "What?  No country would ever attack America directly," he says.  "Well, what would stop them if we don't have a military to protect us?"  I say.

I suggest, "Why don't we stop sending billions of dollars to all these countries for Foreign Aid."  "We have to help those less fortunate than us" he says.  Stabbed in his bleedeing heart!  "What about all the people in America we don't help?"  I reply.  I will pull out that knife and stab again and again.  "There are women, men and children starving and homeless right now.  IN OUR OWN TOWN!" I yelled.  "Well if it wasn't for you war mongering republicans we would have plenty of money to feed our people."  "You people love making billions off of bodybags."  He tells me.  I have no more to say today.  To suggest that I want to see anyone dead cuts to the soul.  My ultimate goal, to see none suffering, is lost on him. 

I just leave, walk away.  I know this will go on 'til the end of time.  We will never agree on government, or budgets.

It hits me like a brick as I drive away.  I think I am bleeding............  internally.........  at least.  Why do I try so hard?  WHY!!!  I work my ass off to be taxed to death and watch people all around me do nothing.  Somehow, doing nothing gets you an all expense paid vacation curtosy of our very own governemnt.  Somehow, working you ass off to support your family also means you will be supporting several other families this year too.  I see you sitting on your front porch everyday.  Smoking cigarettes and drinking beer while I go to work to buy you food.  I see you there, every day ...... and I wonder if it is worth it.

NOT .... so amusing

I just looked through a photo documentary of Jazzland, or Six Flags Over New Orleans to some of you.  It stands abandoned, falling to pieces, and being reclaimed by mother nature.  I hear rumor that there may be hope yet.  This is just how it made me feel.  Here is the Addy http://www.lovethesepics.com/2011/05/creepy-crusty-crumbling-illegal-tour-of-abandoned-six-flags-new-orleans-75-pics/

I remember standing in line at some of those rides with my first son Gabe, now 11.  I especially remember the Spongebob ride because he liked it so much.  It is a horribly scary, eerie feeling to see it now. So surreal, like it had never even been finished being built, or fell victim to a nuclear war.  It stands a monument, a wasteland of our stupidity and arrogance.  No matter how advanced we become as a civilization, nature will always have the last laugh.  Especially around New Orleans.  So far below sea level, an artificially created trade port.  Someday it will all be underwater, again.

I can only wish my second child could have gotten the chance to go the amusement park.  His older brother would have been so proud showing him the rides he had rode years earlier.  I wonder if this is how my parents feel when they reminisce over the Pontchartrain Beach Amusement Park  So many people had such fun growing up near that beach, riding the roller coaster.  That tear my mom and dad both get in their eyes talking about how they felt when it was shut down.  We helped destroy that too, by polluting the lake until it was no longer safe to swim in.  They used to say they would love to be able to take me there to play, like they did.

I hate it that some of you have nothing better to do than bitch and argue over the use of photo editing software on those pictures.  If you were from the New Orleans area you would know that these pictures, no matter how much you edit them, can not make you feel as sad as we do every time we drive past that abandoned park.  Or how about the other 1/3 of New Orleans that has barely even been touched since Katrina flooded it.  There are still abandoned houses waiting to be torn down on my dad's street, 6 years later.  Those pictures, from the least to the most edited are absolutely beautiful.  Every single one captures a moment, a feeling, something lost and missing.  Ghosts of Jazzland.

We used to sit on Elysian Fields Avenue and wait for the Mardi Gras parades to reach us.  Filled with joy, unable to sit still.  Just hoping to get some of those worthless beads, better yet a cup (or the ultimate, some of that crew's panties).  Now we drive up and down looking at rotting, abandoned houses, with plywood over all the windows and large X's spray painted on them by the rescuers.  I sat and stared at the X's one day, wondering "What does that 1 or that 3 mean in that X?"  Then I quickly decided, I really didn't want to know.  We were finding dead animal carcasses in piles of debris, just a few months ago.  The skeletons of animals left behind that drowned to death.  Once peoples best friends, now nothing more than broken bone dust on the alleyway between the cracked foundations.  Many of those people, never to return.

I am going to go look for a pic of my son posing so happily with a giant plastic Spongebob.  That day to him, it really was "The best day ever."  I want to remember ...... I need to remember ....... all those Good Times.  If I can find it I will post it for you here, for long before all this devastation there was so much happiness.  So many screams of joy, and so many children's smiles.  Isn't that is all that is important, the children's smiles?

A letter for a friend.

Someone said to me once "You are an amazing person....  I read the way you talk about your family..... the passion... the love.. it gives me hope..... Sometimes you write so beautifully...... Tell wonderful stories ..... People think I am crazy and sometimes I scare them because am very foreward and I want to tell them how I feel.....I hope you don't run away from me.... if you don't respond I will understand, thank you for sharing your life with us, etc."  I just blushed, turned bright red, and sat there staring at my computer.  I literally was speechless.  It made me feel strangely good.  No one other than my wife,  has ever complimented me like that, let alone someone I have never even met before.  I though "This is nuts, maybe I do know her and this is a test of some kind.  Maybe she is coming on to me and I am just too stupid to know it.  I wonder if she is in a nut house or something.  Normal people just don't act like that."

Then it hit me *BAM* like a oversized cooking pear right between the eyes (boi there is another story).  I am not like anybody else I know.  I don't even know what normal is and have never tried to "be" any thing in particular. We may share a lot in common, but not like this.  She some how got what I said.  There is a big difference between reading and comprehending or reading it and closing you eyes and feeling like you were there, you lived it with them.  How many people can you tell "I had to slay a dragon last night" and they would smile and completely understand?

I know, I know.  So Jam, what the fuck is your point?  I wrote her back that day, and do several times a week.  Not many people's lives do I actaully care about, not many at all.  Yet if I do not hear from her for a while, I tend to worry.

That night I thought and thought about what she had said and I came to a realization.  We don't tell people what we think about them very often, if at all.  We are quick to criticize, but not compliment.   Many times we wait til it is too late to confess our feelings.  So I did something.  I got on facebook and I wrote to someone "You and your husband are the strongest people I have ever known....... I have always looked up to you...."  The next morning I sat down first thing at work and wrote to someone else "I know I have never told you this, but I have always respected you and am very proud of your service to our country. ......."  The next one was "I am tired of all this petty bullshit, we were once the best of friends and we need to put all that shit behind us and get back on track....."   Another was on an anonomyous forum, "I admire how you can put my feelings into words in ways that I juast can't."  I have gotten very positive responces back.

She changed the very core of how I think about people.  It is not that I didn't respect, honor, or cherish them, no not at all.  I did and I do.  She made me realize that it is perfectly ok to tell them.  They need to hear it and it is up to them as to how they take it and what they do with it.  Other than our spouses and our family, we just do not tell people what they mean to us very often, if at all.

I worte these six paragraphs for 2 reasons.  One, is that I hope people will stop and take the time to tell someone else something good.  Even if it is something small, like "You make the best coffee."  Tiny things can make someone's whole day better.  Two, is that I wanted to say thank you to the person that opened my eyes.  So, to you I say Thank You.  I am very glad you sent me that message!   

Not so much

This week has been very rough, extremely trying on the soul.  The times have indeed changed.  Our parents must be so proud of our achievements.  I am living in a world that knows no loyalty, no respect, no compassion, no nurturing, and no love.  I watch the worst in man take hold, reverting back to the animals we came from.  It is a dark future I see.  Darkest before the dawn.

We, all of our kind, have become so greedy and self absorbed.  We all lie to our friends and family, to ourselves.  "Not me, I have given so much to others.  I am not like them.  I am better."  No, no you are not.  To look at the human race as a whole, the average of all that is, is a very depressing sight.  We have put our personal possessions above any others.  Constantly wanting more, and more.  Things we have no need for, no use. Just "things" to collect and use for our latest show and tell to our peers.

The animal has instincts.  It takes whatever it needs to survive, no more, no less.  We have mutated and mutilated that animal into believing it has to have certain things to survive, that it has absolutely no need for at all.  We work day in and out, every day I'm hustlin', to get more.  Some work legally, some illegally, they are both one and the same.

Instead of throwing you partner under the bus at work, maybe you can hold him up, teach him something new.  Go home early for once to see your spouse and kids.  Come in late because you wanted to walk in the field and smell the flowers.  Have you even met your neighbors?  Hold out your hand and perhaps a butterfly will land on it, even for just a second.  Take the time to enjoy your life.  Think about it, just what is the reason you are working so hard?  Is that very reason you work so hard actually the very thing you see the least?

This is about work, but it started at home.  It started when we the people decided we had to have more, more and more.  Then our local office decided it wanted more, and then the whole company, and then the entire job market, and the unions, and finally the government.  We all want more, but at what cost? 

I have been told the economy, the "recession" is the worst since the Great Depression.  I know it is.  Why?  It is my firm belief it is all our fault.  We the people have put aside all our morals, ethics, spirituality and rationality in order to get what we want and when we want it.  Unfortunately, it takes an event so catastrophic to wake us from our greed.  We are close to that event, and no, we are not ready for it.

Into the grey....

Into the grey, or gray?  You choose the destination!  Such a cool word to be spelled two different ways, but still having the same meaning!  "Grey (or gray) is an achromatic or neutral color."  According to Wiki.  It is that middle ground between black and white, the gray area, where I dwell.  It is my favorite color.

I have envied so many people in life for seeing things as black or white, good or bad, right or wrong, Sinner or Saint.  People will stand at attention, pointing their finger at another human and exclaim "Hero, Villain, Loser, Whore, Murderer, Racist, etc."  I watch parents condemn their children as "Losers," or proclaim them as "Gifted."  I watch some of the poorest excuses for human beings tell others how to live their lives. 

Let me make sure I get this clear. I do not envy what you do, but how easy it is for you to come to that decision.  I have never had that ability.  I see everything as gray.  There are always two sides (sometimes more) to every story, action, or situation.  There have been times I spent days trying to get to the bottom of an issue.  

There are certainly some times that there is a "Yes" or "No" answer, but that is far from the norm.  So alas, you who have chosen yourself as judge, jury and executioner, I salute you.  To the ones that pretend to know all that is right and just for the human race, you are indeed ALL that has gone wrong with humanity.